September 2010
1 post
Lasagna murder
My friend told me about a time he got really hungry and decided to ride his bike to a bar to get some food, but accidentally (?!) got drunk and had to attempt the ride home with a full pan of hot lasagna. After multiple drunken crashes and approximately half of the lasagna littering the path home like some Italian bread crumb trail back to sobriety, he arrived into his garage and ate the...
January 2010
1 post
"The truth is that while we wish we could have...
Feelings of intellectual inadequacy never go away, but you learn to realize that almost no one else knows anything either. Then you specialize in something and learn a lot about that thing and become an expert and realize how empty that sensation is. You wonder what the point of knowledge is, today, unless you actually do something with it, and you’re right to wonder about that.
The sad...
October 2009
1 post
3: 45 PM
janet jackson escapade
3: 45 PM
i saw a dude get punched in the face once to the tune of that song
3: 45 PM
there was a bully
3: 45 PM
and he was picking on a kid
3: 45 PM
and the kid started dancing and singing escapade
3: 45 PM
and then just started throwing punches while singing
3: 46 PM
and he whipped that bully's ass
3: 46 PM
it was fucking epic
3: 46 PM
that bully took a huge dive in reputation on that day
3: 46 PM
for the rest of our high school career, he got no respect
September 2009
2 posts
“im gonna sit here and act like i dont care to get on your nerves, but...”
– irc
1. YOU ARE TRESSPASSING 2. YOU ARE TAKING ILLEGAL PHOTOGRAPHS 3. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED 4. YOU’VE BEEN YELLED AT
August 2009
4 posts
Overheard in 7-11
“People just want to disprove Freud to assure themselves that they’re not horrid little sex monkeys.”
why slug more slug 1- Slug is so much light than snail who have shell to copy slug technology. 2- The snail use the shell because is a fucking faget. 3- snail got crush so easy, and you can give the slug to ur dog chew and it ll still eat lettuce. 4- shell is MORE heavy than no shell. 5- some slug have internal shell because more evolved 6- Your cousin will not want to stay on your house to play...
“on one hand, it’d be like fucking my sister, but on the other hand, i have...”
My mother's harrowing experience at the airport
ok so here we go
my mom came out this week to visit
and she left tonight
she was with her boss since this was a work trip
i did not know she had a travelling companion
she calls me from the airport and says "hey i really need a ride from the airport, i can't get a plane out"
so i figure...delay
i tell her i am working and need an hour
so she says "ok i'll call back if i need you"
in the mean time i have some ideas or whatever to get her
and i try calling her back
no answer after like 5 calls
6th call
i just hear random yelling about terrorists
and i'm like "WTF?"
after a half hour i get a call back from her
and she says "its all cool we got a flight, i'll call you when i get home"
i figure maybe i called the wrong number and start to ask whats up with the terrorist thing
but she hangs up
so she just calls me back
and says
"man i was with my boss, and she was so drunk: "
her boss is like this 80 year old 4 foot 11 skinny tiny lady
she had 4 glasses of wine in the airport bar
and by the time they got on the plane
she was so shitfaced that they threw her ass off the plane
so the boss gets all mad
and starts yelling about how she's not a terrorist
ppl getting crazy watching her
and she goes "I HAVE TO PEE"
so my mom escorts her into the bathroom and closes the door
leaves her in there
and the lady comes out with a giant fucking piss stain
from her stomach to her ankles
she forgot to take her fucking pants off
to take a piss
so here is my mom, in an airport, with an old lady that is covered in piss ad stinking of booze, screaming about terrorists and oxygen levels
and she keeps trying to smoke in there
and yelling at ppl
so she had to sit outside with her for like two hours to get her sobered up enough to get on the plane
so she gets her ticket
and the lady gets on the plane
and starts screaming again
about how she wants to talk to the CEO of united NOW MOTHERFUCKERS
thrown off the plane again...
so they wait another hour, get on another plane, and the lady sleeps through the flight
and wakes up
COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS
to what happened
and says to the passenger next to her
"you know we got thrown off two flights before this one, and you know why? because they said we didn't have enough oxygen levels, how the hell do they know about my oxygen"
and passes back out
they had to wheel her ass off the plane
my mom left her in the baggage claim
July 2009
1 post
“i was walking down the street and i took a quick right turn and right then my nuts slapped into my thigh and i was like “awwww” but then i looked up and i saw a fucking bird in a tree and he had 3 eyes and he said “its OK” and i was like “HOLY SHIT” and i knew it was god.”
Fuck record labels
I’ll start paying for music again when I can pay the artists directly, or when everyone is small labels. I refuse to support a company like warner music after the way they’ve treated me, the Internet, their musicians, and everyone around them. I don’t listen to their music at all, I don’t download it, or even bother. It is sad, because they have some really amazing...
April 2009
7 posts
Why my daughter gets a trip to Disneyland if she...
I have a 6 year old daughter that would never let someone mess with her. I’ve given her permission to fight back, if someone tries to hurt her, and I think its absolutely the right thing to do. More kids need to be taught that this zero tolerance no subjectivity crap is a policy for fools designed to close a door that can never be closed for long. People are going to treat each other poorly,...
so when the dude is 10 mins late im like “where are they” he writes back that they’re looking at it now and i go “oh shit, its the old code still!” ”oh never mind they’re not looking now, just that they’re going to soon” “ok when?” “i’ll call you back” TIME ELAPSED : 3 HOURS “are you going...
from Dear Something
I do hold a personal exception for some pork products in the vegetarian land. Just ask the vegetarians (and former vegetarians) that I know. They usually don’t eat meat because it’s been killed for that meat. Well, that rules out both hot dogs and bologna. Did you know that? You do now. Hot dogs and bologna have NOT been made out of meat that was intended for kill, it’s just the left overs of...
“Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Give him a religion, and he’ll starve to death while praying for a fish”
Fishbone - So Many Millions
drum playing in that shit is like falling down stairs with god’s rhythm breaking your bones gives me goose bumps
Funniest moment of my life? Maybe.
I think the funniest thing to ever happen to me is when my former CEO and a few people from the US office of our international company sat in a room full of obviously eager to please Japanese employees, and at some point the CEO asked our warehouse manager Leroy to teach our visiting coworkers some english.
Leroy got up and calmly drew a chicken on a whiteboard and proceeded to explain to the...
My dream
I just had the most amazing dream. I was jumping down flights of stairs, more like flying down them, taking fast leaps and only stopping on each landing to turn towards the next jump down. Something was chasing me, but I didn’t remember why. I was screaming, LOUD, howling like an animal, and I didn’t sound anything like myself or someone trying to sound like an animal. When I got...
August 2008
1 post
I’ve never seen the Sopranos. I have been feeling like watching some decent television lately so I decided to pick up the first few seasons. So my wife and I are watching, and I decided to have a bowl of generic fruit loops as a snack. I go into the kitchen, only to return and find her on the media center PC reading some damn woman’s message board about some kid named Jacob and how he...
March 2008
1 post
“http://www.sundayherald.com/news/heraldnews/display.var.2104838.0.0.php
the...”
December 2007
1 post
Mac people
gotta love when the best argument they can muster is “it looks cool” no features no reasons why it is better nothing just “its cool!” i want them all to go fuck each other and form some mutant fucked up sheep babies that eventually form the most powerful element of society cause they all act together then when i am like 60 i will make something that “looks...
November 2007
1 post
October 2007
5 posts
“luther vandross has me KILLEDlast night i couldn’t sleepso at 5am i was...”
i'd love to see pownce and google merge
and have a love child
where google is the stern but responsible father and pownce is the lazy pillhead wife with a hot ass
“One way you know you’re drinking too much redbull, is when you know you...”
– Coworker
“KOOL AID MAN DOWNLOADS FAST ENOUGH TO BREAK FENCES AND MAKE KIDS SCREAM”
“there is beauty in the specific beautiful thing, and beauty in the entirety of...”
September 2007
12 posts
Will: people who use itunes are sheep
worthless monkeys
itunes is worse than any DAP ever
at this point
i can tell when i am really hot for a woman
when i want to see the inside of her ass crack
A tourist goes into a bar where a dog is sitting in a chair playing poker. He asks, “Is that dog there really playing poker?” And the bartender says, “Yeah, but he’s not too smart. Whenever he has a good hand, he starts wagging his tail.” A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs and swings him around in a circle. The bartender says, “Hey,...
i just ate chinese candy that turned out to be like a prune with a monkeys asshole insidethey tried to cover it up using spice or somethingbut it failed miserably
I caught a predator, sadly
RemanentPiano7 : hay onegin23 : hi onegin23 : who are you RemanentPiano7 : ok RemanentPiano7 : and u onegin23 : no i said WHO are you onegin23 : i don’t know you RemanentPiano7 : i.m 28 m RemanentPiano7 : and you onegin23 : i’m not female RemanentPiano7 : and you onegin23 : NOT FEMALE RemanentPiano7 :...
cowboys
if it’s broke and there’s nothin to do but yell out loud gull durnit god damnit boy get your bearings about you and set yourself to burn it
My official title
———- Prince of Babylon, Knight of the Black Cross, Knight of Death, Sublime Master of the Luminous Ring, Priest of the Sun, Grand Architect, Knight of the Black and White Eagle, Holy Royal Arch, Knight of the Phoenix, Knight of Iris, Preist of Eleusis, Knight of the Golden Fleece, Doctor of the Planispheres, Hermetic Philosopher, Grand Elect of the Eons, Knight Prince of the Rose...
a monkey figured out how to use a computer, and...
my mother asked me onece: why u my lovely son , U hate so much this fucken jews? skinhead: say something stupid darkling: U make my dick puke on unix u got so many commands, u never gonna learn thyat shit man.what when words gone? none for what then. but say by way of somehow on somehow with sight to do.
Racism in video games, shameful
my roommate was losing at hydro thunder and he said “I can’t believe that a canoe full of niggers can be faster than my fucking jet boat.”
Making mexican puke
japzwitgatz: everything. oneegron: huh? japzwitgatz: and my lungs are not hsapping japzwitgatz: i feeel liuke im going to puke my lings so im trying t hold it back! japzwitgatz: lungs japzwitgatz: fucken a man.. smoking sucks oneegron: haha oneegron: does aol automatically log these somewhere japzwitgatz: i hope not. oneegron: like to my hd oneegron: so i can keep em japzwitgatz: i would be inm...
IRC?
“wait, Mr. torturer, let me take a break from being Prison of war, I need to go to McDonald’s for a sec”.
Some people are really fucking serious about wow.
Q u o t e: This thread is dedicated to Chris Metzen and the rest of blizzard crew. You created 3 fantastic real-time-strategy games. All 3 with a book full of lore behind it. You create the most popular massively multiplayer online game ever. tieing in even MORE lore. You creat an expansion to said MMO. All is good and fun. Then you kill off one of the cooler guys in warcraft history. Now, in...